http://shockwaver.tumblr.com/post/87719385562/when-men-are-raped It’s not easy to get a lot of traction on posts…
^^ For anyone interested in the right way to write a post about men and rape/sexual violence. This is thorough, well-sourced and well-written, and places the blame where it should be: on our culture and its misogynistic attitudes that allow this kind of thing to fester unchecked. It rightly states that this lack of discusson and education about this side of rape/sexual violence is a feminist issue, but not an ‘issue with feminists’. I’ll hang onto this as a resource.
I’m glad you found it useful. It’s a conversation that needs to be had - and it’s so difficult because of how the MRAs have poisoned the well around this discussion.
I’ve been accused of being an MRA more then once over it, and making up the numbers and math in the studies. But I don’t blame women for being leery of anyone bringing up male victims because of how often it’s used to silence women - I just want the conversation to be had in a manner that’s respectful to all the victims, regardless of gender.
Just once I’d like to see a post about how feminist issues like rape and domestic violence also affect men without some revolutionary douchenozzle making a comment about how it’s ‘not just women!!!’ or ‘feminists always ignore this!!’ JFC, feminists and the SJWs you love to hate are the ones campaigning for better support and recognition of male survivors and working to break down the prejudices and assumptions that erase male sufferers of abuse and violence, and even if they didn’t you really shouldn’t be surprised that as women we focus more on the ways in which we experience these issues. I have no knowledge or experience of, e.g. sexual assault from a man’s perspective, only from my own perspective as a woman, and if you can’t talk about the experiences of men without complaining that women are talking about theirs too much or that too much attention is being given to women’s issues, you need to take a long hard look at what you’re actually campaigning for. It’s not a zero-sum game, please stop pretending that by talking about women’s issues, feminists are somehow overshadowing male issues when basically no one was talking about them before, otherwise you’re like those MRA assholes who complain that not enough money/awareness is raised for prostate cancer by saying that too much is given to breast cancer instead of, IDK, doing something about it themselves.
This shit is horrible no matter who experiences it, and if it still exists then no, ‘too much attention’ is not being given to ‘one side’ (since when were there sides??), there is too little effort all around. The capacity of society to care and improve and evolve is not a fucking birthday cake with a limited number of slices being gobbled up by greedy feminists, grow up.
I wrote a post about male victims of rape a few months back - from the perspective of one of those victims:
This is a post I’ve been mulling over, off and on, for a while now but was never really sure how to write it. In (almost) any discussion about rape you will have a contingent of men who bemoan how male victims of rape are never talked about (What about the men?!?) - and this is done in such a way as to derail the discussion at hand. This isn’t done out of a genuine desire to learn or educate about the victims of rape who are men. One of the responses you often see to these comments is something along the lines of “This isn’t the place to talk about that - if you want to have that discussion then have it, but not on a post/comment/article about women and rape” - and I’ve often said similar things myself.
I want to have this discussion, so that’s what this post aims to do - and do it in such a way as to not minimize the female victims. And I hope it come across as a discussion of the topic at hand and not as a kludge to silence anyone else. […]
Anonymous said: Towards the whole "pronouns hurt people's feelings" topic. Am I REALLY the only person on the planet that thinks people are becoming far to sensative? Nearly to the point that they shouldn't leave their little home bubbles in the case that a bird chirps next to them in a way that sounds like a mean word. Maybe, JUST MAYBE, we're becoming a little TOO coddling and people need to learn to deal with simplistic shit like words. And yes, I've been insulted and made fun of. I got over it. So can you.
Supposedly invented by the Chinese, there is an ancient form of torture that is nothing more than cold, tiny drops falling upon a person’s forehead.
On its own, a single drop is nothing. It falls upon the brow making a tiny splash. It doesn’t hurt. No real harm comes from it.
In multitudes, the drops are still fairly harmless. Other than a damp forehead, there really is no cause for concern.
The key to the torture is being restrained. You cannot move. You must feel each drop. You have lost all control over stopping these drops of water from splashing on your forehead.
It still doesn’t seem like that big of a deal. But person after person, time and time again—would completely unravel psychologically. They all had a breaking point where each drop turned into a horror. Building and building until all sense of sanity was completely lost.
"It was just a joke, quit being so sensitive."
"They used the wrong pronoun, big deal."
"So your parents don’t understand, it could be worse."
Day after day. Drop after drop. It builds up. A single instance on its own is no big deal. A few drops, not a problem. But when you are restrained, when you cannot escape the drops, when it is unending—these drops can be agony.
People aren’t sensitive because they can’t take a joke. Because they can’t take being misgendered one time. Because they lack a thick skin.
People are sensitive because the drops are unending and they have no escape from them.
You are only seeing the tiny, harmless, single drop hitting these so-called “sensitive” people. You are failing to see the thousands of drops endured before that. You are failing to see the restraints that make them inescapable.
Imagine the mabari of the Warden who makes the ultimate sacrifice. He sits on the road and looks up at Fort Drakon while lights crack from the very top. A hush falls over the mass of people—every soldier of every army—as the remaining Darkspawn retreat.
The light breaks into particles, floating into the clearing sky. Once it’s registered that the Archdemon is dead, there’s cheering, laughing, crying, hysterics. But the hound dog is still; only a tiny whimper leaves his jowls as his legs grow weary. He folds his legs and tucks his head as he lies down, but does not leave that spot on the road by the tower.
She’s coming back, I know she is. I’ll wait until she gets here. If I leave, she might miss me.
I’m sorry for this.
Anonymous said: Regarding romances with companions in Dragon Age 2, was it honestly your intent to make everybody bisexual? I personally never interpreted it this way. I figured that just how choosing your skin tone at character generation adjusted that or the other Hawkes, or how your class choice decides which sibling survives, that choosing Hawke to be male creates a universe in which Anders is gay, else the game takes place in a universe in which he's straight. Was that not the intent?
We wrote them as bisexual, yes, and that was our intention from the outset of DA2. Some of the characters (such as Merrill) don’t discuss their sexuality, and thus it’s left ambiguous and open to interpretation by the player… but keep in mind that interpretation doesn’t change their sexuality. Just because you’re romancing Merrill with a male PC, for instance, doesn’t mean she’s straight, it just means you’re not exposed to another side of her character in that playthrough.
Could you stop this? We aren’t the idiots you’re looking for. We all played and heard the conversations. Isabela is Bi, Fenris could be; everyone else has their sexuality on a toggle. Merrill, if not romanced by f!Hawke will mention that she can’t even imagine lesbian sex. Anders will only allude to any attraction to men unless you play m!Hawke.
Making the characters playersexual, not bisexual, was the decision you made; and while slightly disrespectful of a choice it’s the one you made. Own it. We’ve all seen the game, we all know this claim is rather bs.
Stop trying to claim it was something else this late after; it just makes it seem like you have no respect for your fans
I’m telling you what we intended when we wrote the characters. The writers discussed it, and while the characters did indeed react to PC’s differently (Anders did not mention Karl to a female PC, for instance, because Jennifer believed it wasn’t something a guy would do—not because he was straight in that playthrough) that did not change what they were or how we thought about them as we were writing them.
If you feel you know better, then by all means continue to do so. It does, however, seem rather disrespectful on your part even while you claim the reverse.